Christmas Break!!!

Once again... I am a terrible blogger!! hahaha  When I get really busy I don't think about blogging and so it never gets done.  It has been over a month since I last blogged and a lot has happened since then.

First off, I finished my first semester at Weber State and was proud of what I did. :D After finals I went home to spend the break with my family in Orem.  Things at my house were really hard and there were some days when I just wanted to jump in my car and drive away from all of the problems.  On one of those days in particular I sat down and wrote a draft for another blog post (that I never did post) and here is what I said:

Sometimes I just want to find a hole and jump in it.  For the last month my life has been a roller coaster with school and my dad’s cancer.  When I was up at school away from everything that was going on it was so hard; I felt completely helpless.  I didn’t know what was going on half of the time and I couldn’t do anything when I did know what was going on.  Then I came home and I felt like I made things even worse.  My family is constantly on edge and walking on egg shells and when I came home it seemed like I was the breaking point.  I am constantly being asked to stop doing something or stop being so loud or to just not cause any contention.  I hate everything right now! I don’t have anything to do but sit around all day and watch my dad be in pain.  That is one of the hardest things; watching my dad, who loves hiking and biking and snowmobiling and fourwheeling and being active and outdoors, lay in the recliner or lay in bed because he is in so much pain and is feeling so sick that he can’t do anything else.  I feel like I’m watching him die and I don’t know if I can do it anymore.  

That's how most of the break went.  My dad had a chemo treatment the Monday before Christmas, hoping that by Christmas Day he would feel good enough to watch us open presents.  And he did watch us open, but by night time he was very worn out and not doing so great.  The next day, my brothers13th birthday, my dad went to the hospital for fluids.  While he was there they ran some test and found that he an infection of sorts called pseudomembranus colitis (or something like that).  Basically it was really causing his system to not do well and so he ended up in the hospital for the next week.  On one of the days that my dad was in the hospital my siblings and I went sledding with some ward friends.  While we were sledding my sister Ashlyn ended up hitting her head and having a concussion.  She scared the crap out of me and basically topped off a very interesting Christmas break. 

During this all there was one thing that really kept me going, and that was the Savior.  I could feel his love and concern for me the entire time.  Whenever I needed someone to talk to, or someone to listen while I wanted to scream or yell or cry, he was there.  And even though all of these hard things were going on, he was there helping me grow and become stronger and come closer to him.  I am so grateful to have the gospel in my life.  It brings me such peace and comfort.  There is a song that my sisters found and showed to me right after we found out about my dad.  It helps describe all that I am feeling and all that I know to be true.  The song is called "Every Word" and it is on the EFY cd Courage to Stand Strong.

My favorite part of the song is when it says: "He hears every word that I say.  He knows just how I feel, and I can pray for answers.  I can turn to him for peace or just to be heard.  He hears every word."  This is so true.  I know he hears me and he does care.  He loves us and will always be there for us, we just need to reach out and tell him what we need or how we feel.

P.S. Don't forget to checkout my the Perry Family Blog @ craigperryfamily.blogspot.com