Elephant in the Room

Last week we went over this poem in my End-of-Life nursing class and I really liked it.  I wanted to share it with others to help them understand that it is okay to talk about death or about someone who has died.  I hope that this can help someone out there :)

The Elephant in the Room

By Terry Kettering

There's an elephant in the room.

It is large and squatting, so it is hard to get around it.

Yet we squeeze by with "How are you?" and "I'm fine"

And a thousand other forms of trivial chatter.

We talk about the weather.

We talk about work.

We talk about everything else--except the elephant in the room.

There's an elephant in the room.

We all know it is there.

We are thinking about the elephant as we talk together.

It is constantly on our minds.

For, you see, it is a very big elephant.

It has hurt us all.

But we do not talk about the elephant in the room.

Oh, please, say her name.

Oh, please, say "Barbara" again.

Oh, please, let's talk about the elephant in the room.

For if we talk about her death,

Perhaps we can talk about her life.

Can I say "Barbara" to you and not have you look away?

For if I cannot, then you are leaving me

Alone. . .In a room. . .

With an elephant.

"Dear Death"

Wow.... it's been a long time since I have been on here.  Since I was last here I started nursing school, graduated, took the NCLEX - twice, got my RN license, started a new job at Huntsman Cancer Hospital, started my BS of Nursing, and bought a house.  I've also moved from Ogden to Logan to Centerville to Layton.  It's been a bumpy road, there have been ups and downs, highs and lows, and I am still here.

I just started my last semester of BSN classes and hope to graduate in the Spring.  This semester I elected to take a class that I am very excited for: "End-of-Life Nursing".  The first class was really amazing and I really feel like this class is going to help me to be a better nurse and a better person.  The instructor had us do an activity were we wrote a letter to death and I decided that it was something that I wanted to share....so here it is:

Dear Death,
We have met a few times, but one was very significant.  When I found out that Dad had cancer I had started to come to terms with the fact that he was going to die.  I was scared, but I knew that I could be ready for it.  I had things I wanted to say, but I planned on saying them when the end was nearer.  But the came hope; and then came a miracle.  I thought that death was still very far off.  Then the cancer took over him and took over his mind.  He was no longer there and he didn't seem like my dad.  Death seemed to come quickly and yet seemed to go on forever.  The "end" was very hard.  I was more scared and angry that I had ever been in my life.  It wasn't fair! I hadn't been ready and I hadn't got a chance to talk and say what I needed to say.  As you were taking my dad those last few days the end could not come quick enough.  It was long and it was painful.  I wished for death to take him so that my own pain and suffering would end.  Those last few hours were some of the worst of my life and then you came.  You took him from his suffering and left it behind.  I felt robbed.  People had always said that it would be so peaceful at the end and it wasn't.  

That was all that I had time to write in class and I planned to write some more later..... and then came my Friday morning.  And this happened.....

I was in an accident on my way home from work.  It was really scary and really bad; and I am okay.  I have some bad bruising and I am pretty sore.  I feel very blessed that I was able to walk away and not have serious injuries.  Since then I have been thinking a lot about what could have or might have happened, it's been a little emotional.  I started thinking again about my class and about my letter to death.... it's not finished and I think I want to leave it that way.  I have an amazing respect for death and this only helped to solidify it.  I want to continue having respect for you and then I will finish my letter to you when I am ready, but not today.  

Attitude of Gratitude: Day 4

Challenge - Be grateful for you! Read your patriarchal blessing today or write down what, you think, your Heavenly Father would want to tell you. Then, go and do something special for yourself.  Something that makes you happy.

"Gratitude is a mark of a noble soul and a refined character. We like to be around those who are grateful. They tend to brighten all around them. They make others feel better about themselves. They tend to be more humble, more joyful, more likable." 
- Joseph B Wirthlin

Today's challenge is a little bit of a harder one.  I have a really hard time seeing my self worth and value.  It is something that I have struggled with for my entire life.  I don't know how to be grateful for me when I am not always happy with myself.  I did go and read my patriarchal blessing and it was really amazing to read.  I love how it is for me and how I understand or see things differently at different times in my life. 

As far as going and doing something for myself.... I didn't really have time today with church, home teachers, and then family dinner.  I plan to do something tomorrow and I will post about it here.

Attitude of Gratitude: Day 3

Challenge - Think of people who have changed your life for the better and thank someone from your past or present, today.

President Thomas S. Monson on Gratitude for Others:
"Have we thought on occasion of a certain teacher at school or at church who seemed to quicken our desire to learn, who instilled in us a commitment to live with honor?... We owe an eternal debt of gratitude to all of those, past and present, who have given so much of themselves that we might have to much ourselves."
-The Profound Power of Gratitude, Ensign, Sept 2005, 4-5


To the love of my life, my best friend and eternal companion:

Thank you for having the courage to talk to me at the bus stop.  Who could have guessed that we would fall in love while riding the bus to and from school?  Thank you for the amazing love that you give to me each and every day.  Thank you for the patience you have with me when I get impatient and upset.  Thank you for the strength you give me to face each day.  Thank you for the love and support that you give me in pursuing my educational goals.  Thank you for making me do the right things even when we are really tired and not in the mood.  Thank you for working so hard at school and at work, even when things get hard.  Thank you for being silly with me when we've had a stressful day and need to unwind.  I love you more than you can even imagine.

With all my heart,
Corinne


To my amazing Mom:

Thank you for you unconditional love.  Thank you for all the time you have given to supporting me in the things that I love.  Thank you for being a good example of the kind of person, woman, wife, and mother that I want to be.  Thank you for your courage and strength during the difficult times we have faced.  Thank you for the love and support that you have given to Ryan and I.  Thank you for your help and advice when I call you three times a week for help with dinner or work or life in general.  Thank you for being there when I needed you the most - this means the world to me.  Thank you for being my mom.  I love you so much and just wanted to make sure you knew.

Love,
Corinne


To my other best friend, Jessica Ransom:

Thank you for always being such a great friend to me.  You were always such a good example to me.  I appreciate your strength in the gospel and the amazing testimony that you shared with me.  Thank you for always motivating me to do my best in my school work.  Thank you for being there for me when things were hard and just sitting with me while I cried.  Thank you for having the strength to leave your family to serve the Lord by sharing his gospel with his children.  I really admire and look up to you in every way and can't wait for you to be home again.

Love,
Corinne

Attitude of Gratitude: Day 2

Challenge - Say a prayer today, without asking for anything, only giving thanks for your blessings

"If the only prayer you ever say is thank you, that would suffice."
-German theologian and humanist Meister Eckhart


I am not going to write out the prayer that I said, but I am going to share how it felt.  I didn't have a problem only thanking in my prayer, but what was hard was think of all of the things that I am thankful for.  I made it to about 2 minutes and then I was stuck.  I felt like there was so much more that I needed to be thankful for, but I couldn't think of it all.

It felt really good to thank my Heavenly Father for everything that he has given me and I know that when I do show my appreciation for the things that I have he only gives me more. :)

Attitude of Gratitude: Day 1

My ward had a Relief Society activity last night centered around gratitude.  We listened to some of the sisters talk about gratitude and share their testimonies; it was a really spiritual and special evening.  After the lesson part of the night we made gratitude bracelets to help remind us of what they want us to do over the next week.  They gave us little cards (one for each day) of something that will help us remember to have gratitude and I am going to try and to them each day; I plan to share those here on my blog.  So... here it goes:

Attitude of Gratitude: Day 1

Challenge - Take an inventory of your life, ponder on, and write down your blessings.

"As I have reviewed the past 49 years, I have made some discoveries. One is that countless experiences I have had were not necessarily those one would consider extraordinary. In fact, at the time they transpired, they often seemed unremarkable and even ordinary. And yet, in retrospect, they enriched and blessed lives-not the least of which was my own. I would recommend this same exercise to you - namely, that you take an inventory of your life and look specifically for the blessings, large and small, you have received."

Oct 2012 General Conference - President Thomas S. Monson


Some of my blessings:
- Ryan (my loving amazing husband)
- my mom
- my dad (who is watching over me from afar)
- my family
- the gospel of Jesus Christ
- my education (and finally getting into the WSU Nursing Program)
- Ryan's job (and hopefully one of my own again soon)
- our cute little apartment that I love (except for a few things :P )
- the spirit  and peace that I can have in my life
- the atonement
- good friends (I need to be better friends to all of them)
- my calling in the Young Women's Presidency
- the sisters that I visit teach (I always feel like I learn so much from them)
- my financial security
- our car
- modern medication
- space heaters
- beautiful snow (it reminds me of how beautiful and clean my life can be when I am living right; it always seems so calm when there is snow covering everything)
- the holiday season (when I get to be with family and friends that I love)
-music

& so much more!

Halloween Costume Party!

Last weekend we went to a Halloween party with some of Ryan's high school friends.  It was really fun to figure out a fun costume.  What I like to do is go to the DI or Savers and just start browsing.  This years costume literally fell into our hands as we knocked a sheet off of a hanger; I knew instantly what we were going to do.  We were going to dress up like Greek/Roman/Toga wearing people. :)

Here is what we looked like! :)

We didn't get a picture together because we got a little rushed... Turned out that we ended up being 2 hours late. Oopps!  I swear to this day that I saw the time to start at 6... when it really started at 4, but we still showed up. :)

Hope everyone has an amazing day! And a Happy Halloween!